Friday, June 18, 2004

Porn On Local TV?

That's food porn, to be exact.

For the late wakers and the no-life, white-collared cubicle slaves, the culinary slot on Channel 5 starts at 11.30am every weekday morning. Over the past few weeks, I've been faithfully catching Oliver Twist everyday but as that drew to an end, I worried about life after Jamie Oliver. But this uneasy void was soon filled by my latest goggle-box obsession, Nigella Lawson.



Forever Summer's the name of her home culinary show. Sensual and bordering on orgasmic is what she is, the way she liberally spouts slurring adjectives like "amaaazing" "intensssse" "llllovely" and the way she sighs and moans in mouth-filled delight. Even her groan, as she heaved a heavy mortar, is especially sexual. And the way she looks up to the camera ever so sweetly with a gleam in her eyes.

High and dry is what I am, after watching every episode.

*cue soundtrack: bopping bossa nova beats with girating flute solo*

Perhaps it's my weakness for full-bodied women who spout a thick English accent and are addicted to the intense heat of fresh red chilli. But I'm not the only raving about her. Her first culinary show, Nigella Bites, was described by Salon.com as "the most consistently lubricious show on the air".

Without a doubt, food is better than sex. After all, how many food orgies have you had in your life? And how many sex orgies? Case in point (unless my friends have secret lives). During the latest episode aptly titled "Green" for the mint-centric recipes, I practically ogled at the thick, oozing mint syrup being poured deliberately over full, fleshy peaches poached in spicy bourbon.

Lawson's life story is indeed inspiring. But for all her success with 2 shows, 4 books, and being the subject of countless sexual fantasies, Lawson proclaims herself as being merely a food enthusiast and not an expert. She is apologetic yet unabashed about her apparent lack of adeptness in the kitchen that is typical of TV chefs. Her motto is "to achieve maximum pleasure through minimum effort". True to this, some of her recipes are really so fuss-free that she prepares them in the open of her backyard and even her kitchen tools are chosen to minimize effort on her part so she can still look good on TV (like the curved, double-handled knife that makes dicing look fun). After all, the underlying theme of her life is emancipation from blandness, prudish weight-watching, and the imprisoning kitchen.

And all feminists who love fried food say Amen.

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