Reading the crucifixion in a matter of minutes while remembering it was a whirlwind sequence of events. Imagine you're one of the disciples and Jesus tells you, I'm going to die. Imagine you're a bystander witnessing Jesus tried by the Sanhedrin. Remember the parables He told just before those God-willed events.
Did Jesus know exactly how everything would pan out? From the rooster crowing to His betrayal to His crucifixion to resurrection to rising to glory??
Internal struggles with obedience and choices, external stoic facade--at least that's what many of us imagine--and an unwavering focus towards the cross and everything it stood for.
The Parable of the Talents (or Bags of Gold as translated in the newest NIV) speaks of 2 men that received resources and were faithful in getting to work right away and being fruitful and also confident about it! Who doesn't want to be like that?
The Parable of the Wicked Servant and the account of the Sheep and the Goats speak of having mercy and love. Who prays often to be able to love but feels he's not measuring up to it?
Wherefore does it start a change, a switch, a shift, a deviation from habits and standard practice? Change is born of a desire to...well, change. If not, it's forced by circumstances.
Gotta keep reading, keep meditating and living in joy and fulfilment.
Let it be.